New Words and Their Meanings

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks‘trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow “remove” all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in an airplane.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the “illegal” side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you are six inches away.